help.

know.

Why are friendships so complex? When you love someone, shouldn't that be all? I hate wading through all of the insecurities, schedule conflicts, and so called personal needs to finally get to that moment where we're laughing like we always did. It seems like that feeling is so hard to get to, but I would do anything to reach it more often.

When the timing is more often off than on, that is when my insecurities set in and start to take over. Why do we believe the wild thought that is only in our mind? It isn't often true. The horrible thing is that I have an uncanny sense of intuition, much more attuned than the regular feminine variety, so what if my worried thoughts are in fact true?

I just rest on the hope that things will be alright. That we will survive this and no matter what we will mean something deep to each other in the end. I know this is true.

P.S.

Boys are stupid.

That is all.

Sade knows best.







Girl angst, girl angst, please begone! :)

forget me not.

I am a last-resort friend, and it is insulting to realize that. 

Why is it that I am only suitable to spend time with, if and only if others are not around?
If there is nothing else going on?
If I meet your immediate needs as a helpful friend?

Do I have no draw that makes you wish to choose me over others, even just sometimes?

I feel replaceable. I feel like I'm better than that.

studs part II.

I remembered some more of my unusual celebrity crushes, and decided to make a part II of my list, entitled Studs.

First, we have the adorable Russell Brand.

Those high cheekbones and ratty sorta-mullet make my heart melt. I read his autobiography, My Booky Wook, and it was very interesting. The guy has led quite the debaucherous life. Too bad he's taken by Katy Perry now. But this is also a good thing because the two of them together form the most precious couple:

Moving on, we have Alan Rickman.

 I first realized how amazing Alan Rickman was when I watched his play Severus Snape in the Harry Potter movies. His voice is fantastic. I soon remembered that he is one of the heroes in one of my favorite movies, Sense and Sensibility. 

He plays a perfect gentleman, who is caring, kind, and humble, who somehow has the most enticing voice ever.

It's been several years since I first developed a crush on Anthony Bourdain:

First off: he's completely badass. Chain smoker, earring (not usually badass but it totally is in this case), skinny/tall, world traveler, executive chef, potty mouth, author...need I say more? I've also read his autobiography/food industry expose Kitchen Confidential, which is an interesting read, and very well written.

I think most girls like a bit of a rebel.

Last on this list is the impeccable Gene Wilder:

I think he is incredibly handsome, charismatic, and charming. I first loved him in Willy Wonka.

Although, he was equally charming in Young Frankenstein and The Cicso Kid.

 
I think that my personal formula for celebrity crushes is an element of charisma, and a fair amount of wacky.

studs.

I don't know why, but this evening my mind was wandering, and thought about Ferris Bueller's Day Off (one of my favorites), and then I remembered how incredibly handsome Charlie Sheen is in his bit part as the "boy in the police station." Then I was thinking about how my taste in "celebrity crushes" is quite unusual...Let's review.

Charlie Sheen: "Ferris Bueller," The Boy in the Police Station.

"You wear too much eye makeup. My sister wears too much eye makeup. People say she looks like a whore."

Prince: "Purple Rain," The Kid.

I have been very obsessed with seeing this movie (still haven't seen it), and it was on VH1 the other night, but I tuned in too late and didn't want to spoil the movie by only watching half of it. I am
looking forward to having a "Purple Rain Party" but I don't know when this will happen.
Also, I have a great desire to start modeling my life after his song "U Got the Look":

I never seen a pretty girl
look so tough

U got the look (U got the look)
U must'a took (U must'a took)
A whole hour just 2 make up your face, baby
Closin' time, ugly lights, everybody's inspected (Everybody's inspected)
But U are a natural beauty unaffected (Unaffected)
Did I say an hour?
My face is red, I stand corrected (I stand corrected)

Another thing, I have found new meaning and significance in the song "Purple Rain." Which is a little sad.

David Bowie:

He is always attractive to me. And I love his music. And him. And everything.

I guess I tend to form celebrity crushes on people with really distinct personas.