Expectations

Photo Credit: {this is glamourous}

Do you ever let your imagination run wild and then end up disappointed that reality doesn't match up to your dreams? I have this problem often. I realized this a year or so ago and ever since have been attempting to suppress my dreams of perfection to the back of my head, but they still pop up and push their way through. My primary source of fanciful dreams? Holidays.

Perhaps not Christmas, because as I've previously wrote, my Christmas traditions (usually) leave me with nothing to expect. Which is a good thing. But these open ended holidays, mainly New Year's and Valentine's day, are the ones that trouble me the most. Their possibilities are endless and the way that the media, magazines, and/or artistic bloggers hype them, I have no choice but to expect for events to pan out similarly to their ideals. Does this make sense?

For example, think of the ideal New Year's bash. Most women are wearing sparkling cocktail dresses, hair coiffed perfectly, in the most seductive of heels, donning fun party hats or glasses, while sipping champagne. Am I right? The icing on the cake of this fantasy is the gorgeous and devoted guy on her arm, simultaneously ready to get a little crazy and sweep her off her feet in a new year's kiss. When these realities don't work out for me, (which is, EVERY YEAR OF MY LIFE) I can't help but be disappointed. Because I mean, this is reality right? This is what we expect to happen!

And here we are, on the eve of Valentine's day, the events of the past year are looming on my doorstep, and I'm afraid that tomorrow they will rule my day. My expectations of a sweet date, a pretty dress, and maybe a romantic dessert were shattered one year ago, and they will be shattered again tomorrow. I can't help but think of this day and connect it with all that I can't have, which then ruins all that I can have: delicious chocolates, cute cards, and fun with friends.

I am trying really hard to accept what I can and can't have, while simultaneously trying to weasel some romance out of the dregs of my life.

jumble

-Sometimes I really dislike listening to music. When most music brings up memories and others have potentially emotion-stirring lyrics, why listen to it? If it has the ability to put me to tears then maybe I should not be involved with it. It is sad because I just watched VH1's 100 Best Artists of All Time and was inspired by about 90% of the list...maybe in a few days I will listen to music but for now my iPod sits dormant.

-My stress manifests itself in many forms: body aches, stomach aches, headaches, and the general tears/restlessness/constant chatting.

-Talking to people I trust always alleviates this. At least somewhat. Especially when I talk to my mom, though. She has to run after my two little brothers now, so chats with mom are few and far between (and short). But getting a good 20 minutes in is like a balm to my injured soul.

-Lastly, I have just recognized that I feel guilty for idolizing blonde, white girls too often. Let me explain...wait. Let me write a seperate post about this.

Thoughts & a Song

Oh blog, it's been too long. I have many little thoughts floating around in my head, let's get them out of there.

-I kind of want to start a snack/cooking blog. I eat so many snacks, both savory and sweet, all of the time. Maybe I should start documenting this. Additionally, my new year's resolution is to cook regular, more completely balanced meals. (Recipes are appreciated).
-I had my last day of work today. So long, Cost Plus! I think I'm going to do a Cost Plus detox, then return so I can shop without feeling like an employee. Do you ever think that working for a company takes away the charm of shopping there? Since the quarter ended, I have been working non-stop. 8 1/2 hour, 9 hour shifts. I feel like I live at work. No more!
-Sad thing about this: I am now unemployed.
-Oh yeah, school is over. Time to read, blog, paint, and REST.
-Caroline gave me one of her family's Dell computers :). So now, no matter what, I have an operating computer!
-Tomorrow I'm going to California for 2 weeks. As always, seeing my family and friends is going to be refreshing. But now that I am about to leave, I realize that I am going to miss Seattle, and my friends here.
-I have been making crazy amounts of paper snowflakes lately. They currently decorate most of the surfaces of my apartment. I'd take a picture and show you but...
-I can't find my camera's memory card! I think I left it in a friend's computer. This makes me sad. I don't really wish to purchase a new one.
-I've been very interested in a South African band called Die Antwoord. They satisfy my need for trashy excess (perhaps I will blog about this later). And...some of their beats are catchy. (No I am not breaking my Christmas Rule #1, Only Listen to Christmas Music from November 25th to December 25th, this was not listening for recreation's sake!)
-I miss the radio station V 101.9, the R&B and Old Skool station that played constant Rick James and Earth, Wind, and Fire.
-I have just realized...I am really clumsy.

Sigh. I need more rest. I will leave you with another one of my favorite Christmas songs, God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen/We Three Kings by Barenaked Ladies and Sarah Mclachlan. This version of the classic Christmas carol is upbeat with jaunty guitar playing. (P.S. I'm not a huge Sarah Mclachlan fan...that ASPCA commercial has permanantly embittered me against her). But this song is great. It encompasses the Christmas message and keeps the mood light.

not now, please.

Do you ever feel like you are falling short of so many expectations?

Right now, I am reflecting on how many people are most likely annoyed, upset, or disappointed with me. I can think of at least three situations that I have dropped the ball on, not including my school work.

How am I going to catch up? Finals are coming up, I have many projects due, demands from my work, and yet these people that I rely on have demands of me, and won't be a support until I come through for them.

It seems that when I do stand up for myself, or make a choice that is in my interest, I get flack for it.

Sorry guys. It's not going to happen. I can't meet everyone's demands, and I can't please everyone. At least not right now.

It's just so hard to catch up though, when the people who matter won't be behind you.

help.

know.

Why are friendships so complex? When you love someone, shouldn't that be all? I hate wading through all of the insecurities, schedule conflicts, and so called personal needs to finally get to that moment where we're laughing like we always did. It seems like that feeling is so hard to get to, but I would do anything to reach it more often.

When the timing is more often off than on, that is when my insecurities set in and start to take over. Why do we believe the wild thought that is only in our mind? It isn't often true. The horrible thing is that I have an uncanny sense of intuition, much more attuned than the regular feminine variety, so what if my worried thoughts are in fact true?

I just rest on the hope that things will be alright. That we will survive this and no matter what we will mean something deep to each other in the end. I know this is true.

P.S.

Boys are stupid.

That is all.

Sade knows best.







Girl angst, girl angst, please begone! :)

Dolphins/Documentaries.

I really enjoy using my blog as a platform to share issues that I am interested in, not just design that I am attracted to.

Ever since watching the 2010 Academy Awards, I have been interested in watching the documentary The Cove. I love documentaries. Anything that enlightens me to a new issue or viewpoint is something I'd consider viewing, or reading. The Cove discusses the slaughter of dolphins in a small community in Japan. Many Americans and animal rights activists are outraged at the concept of killing massive numbers of dolphins for human consumption. Within this cove, so many dolphins are killed at once, that the entire cove of ocean turns blood red.

At face value, this concept is horrific. How could a community so willingly and repeatedly kill such innocent (and smart) animals, in such a gruesome way, let alone eat them afterward? To Americans, and most westerners, this is disgusting. Although I still haven't seen it, many people applaud the movie for raising awareness for the issue, and for being a well-produced documentary in general.

A couple of my friends saw the movie, highly enjoyed it, and quickly declared how "The Japanese are shady. They're just shady."

Excuse me? Hang on. This is when I stopped to reconsider my position on the support of this film. Any film that debates an issue, but portrays an entire nation as "shady" cannot be good. Now, I'm the type of person that genuinely and truly delights in stereotypes. I think they are (in general), fun, accurate descriptions of race, culture, and gender. Yes, there is room to be offended, but stereotypes develop for a reason, and they have truth to them. I'm Mexican, and personally can relate and make fun of Mexican stereotypes, simply because they are often true. It's not a big deal, embrace it. But I digress. The stereotype promoted in this film is not positive, if it convinces mass amounts of people that an entire nation supports the practices of one small town.

I'm not going to get into the debate about the ethics of dolphin hunting, because so many people already have, and have done so more eloquently than I ever could. But what inspired me to put in my own two cents was this post from AllLookSame.com. Please go read it before (or after) forming an opinion on The Cove and the views that it promotes.

My final thought is this: who is to judge what is culturally acceptable and unacceptable to eat? I think, (with the exception of human flesh) there is no "true" culinary standard that the entire world has to abide by. Because an individual's culture deems it "okay" for dogs to be pets, doesn't mean that a different nation shouldn't be able to consume them. What if that second nation typically regards chickens as suitable pets (an animal that Americans consume by the millions)? There is no limit to a human's affection, these pets could be just as dear to them as our puppies and kittens are to us.

Ok. Anyway. Go read that blog post from AllLookSame. It's great.