I have a request:

Please let me go home.

Food is a remedy.

I arrived back in Seattle after an uncomfortable flight. Feeling grumpy, disoriented and lonely, with various aches and pains, I found that the food I consumed when I came home helped tremendeously.

I ate chocolate for my mood, which quickly brightened.
I drank ginger brew to soothe my tummy ache.
I ate top ramen for comfort and a full stomach.
And took advil for my strange shoulder ache.

I still miss my family very much. But I am happily surprised at the small comforts that made my evening much more tolerable.

Twenty eleven

I know everyone thinks that New Year's Resolutions are unrealistic, and, "whack," but I really do like the opportunity to turn over a new leaf, refresh my life, and get on the right path. (Even if it only lasts for a couple months).

Last year, my resolution was to send each of my close friends and family a birthday or anniversary card on time, along with a small gift or token. I love recieving cards and letters on my birthday, or special occasion, but whenever my friends' special occasions come along, my cloudy mind seems to forget to even text message. I was doing very well with this new habit when I went through the incident that caused the rebellion, and my life was turned upside down. Now that I'm a little more stable/sane, I want to consider trying to adopt good habits again.

Here are some of my resolution ideas:

-Start cooking and eating (and buying) real food. Real food consists of actual planned meals, with protein and vegetables present, large enough to facilitate leftovers. No more top ramen, bean burrito, lame excuses for meals! If I make a pan of brownies, that does not mean I can eat them in one sitting! Ice cream and popcorn does not constitute a balanced dinner. (This is why I need your simple-ish, balanced meal recipes dear readers. Help me grow up.)

-Take vitamins and perscription medicines on time, every day! I have some perscriptions that I often forget to take for weeks on end, and I don't really notice until I begin feeling the effects of my neglect. No more! In addition to these I would like to consistently take a multi-vitamin, vitamin D, hair/skin/nails formula, and maybe a B-complex.

-Running. I live across the street from a track, why don't I use it? I know I'd have a slammin body/be generally healthier/more glow-y if I exercised even once a week.

-Same resolution as last year: be consistent with my card-sending!

I think I can do these things. They would not only benefit me personally, but others around me, and my schooling. What are your resolutions? Or your dream resolutions that you can't possibly keep, but would genuinely like to?

(My dream resolution: draw every day. I know this would benefit me immensely. But it also seems daunting and impossible to me. But I should attempt it. Time to claim a sketchbook.)

Merry Christmas!

Tradition talk

I have a lot of questions on this Christmas Eve...wait...Christmas day. I wonder, what makes someone's tradition better than another's?

Is this even possible? I selfishly think yes but Christmas, and family traditions in general, are very personal and hard to judge. But I think, like good art, the value of an act can be judged, or weighed against another.

As I experience my third Christmas with a mixed family, I see my traditions falling away as new ones take precidence. This is uncomfortable to me. I want my Christmas to be my Christmas, and not belonging to someone else. This is selfish, I know. But again, can some traditions be judged as better? Or can they co-exist?

Honestly, I do see the value of bringing in new traditions and habits to my beloved holiday. For example, my mom and I used to change the theme of our Christmas tree every year (Gold and silver went to Red and Gold, then to Barbie Pink.) Or, we'll introduce a new recipe to our classic dinner setup. It is not unusual to consume loads of tamales with spicy mole, or crispy lumpia with sweet and sour sauce. (The tamales come from my white grandma's amazing ability to make authentic Mexican food, and the lumpia my aunt teaching my grandma traditional Philippino recipes).

Is it better to watch regular TV on Christmas eve as opposed to classic Christmas movies? Let me tell you, I need my It's a Wonderful Life fix, and I know for a flipping fact that watching a Franz Kafka written classic with Jimmy Stewart is better than flipping through Telemundo. So, in this point, I know that my tradition is better. Ahem.

Is not cooking any Christmas (Slash New Year's) Tamales or New Year's Lumpia at all because someone wants a traditional dinner, even though we already are having a traditional dinner, okay? Um, what about my traditions? At least for New Years? No. On New Year's we have another traditional turkey dinner. WHO DOES THAT. My tradition wins.

Charlie Brown Christmas > Crude humor of Christmas Vacation. ALWAYS.

Okay maybe I am biased. Maybe this isn't the most scientific, or thoughtful analysis but I kind of like asking questions like this. This is ultimately my Christmas tradition wish: that I feel nostalgic, with close family, maybe a present or two...as long as I'm not forgotten.

hum

I want to revamp my blog. It needs a better design. This week's site meter says that the average user stays on my blog for 28 seconds.
I CAN DO BETTER.

My photoshop/illustratior skills are remedial, however. Not to mention that I don't even own these programs...or a decent camera...huuuuum.

How did you guys customize your blogs? (no shabbyblogs, por favor)

Really?

I missed my flight? Really?
Wait...Flights are given away if you don't show up before 10 minutes prior to departure time? Really?
I only have $4 in my account and an empty stomach? Really?
I have to wait 4 hours to catch a flight that has no guaranteed seat for me? Really? (I made it though...yesss. Anyway...)
My phone died and there are no outlets at Sacramento Airport? Really?
The only available outlet is in front of delicious and hunger inducing Cinnabon? Reeeeally?
My family is still 1 hour away from picking me up? REALLY?

Mom, please buy me In N Out when you pick me up :( I think that would patch up an otherwise frustrating day.

Thoughts & a Song

Oh blog, it's been too long. I have many little thoughts floating around in my head, let's get them out of there.

-I kind of want to start a snack/cooking blog. I eat so many snacks, both savory and sweet, all of the time. Maybe I should start documenting this. Additionally, my new year's resolution is to cook regular, more completely balanced meals. (Recipes are appreciated).
-I had my last day of work today. So long, Cost Plus! I think I'm going to do a Cost Plus detox, then return so I can shop without feeling like an employee. Do you ever think that working for a company takes away the charm of shopping there? Since the quarter ended, I have been working non-stop. 8 1/2 hour, 9 hour shifts. I feel like I live at work. No more!
-Sad thing about this: I am now unemployed.
-Oh yeah, school is over. Time to read, blog, paint, and REST.
-Caroline gave me one of her family's Dell computers :). So now, no matter what, I have an operating computer!
-Tomorrow I'm going to California for 2 weeks. As always, seeing my family and friends is going to be refreshing. But now that I am about to leave, I realize that I am going to miss Seattle, and my friends here.
-I have been making crazy amounts of paper snowflakes lately. They currently decorate most of the surfaces of my apartment. I'd take a picture and show you but...
-I can't find my camera's memory card! I think I left it in a friend's computer. This makes me sad. I don't really wish to purchase a new one.
-I've been very interested in a South African band called Die Antwoord. They satisfy my need for trashy excess (perhaps I will blog about this later). And...some of their beats are catchy. (No I am not breaking my Christmas Rule #1, Only Listen to Christmas Music from November 25th to December 25th, this was not listening for recreation's sake!)
-I miss the radio station V 101.9, the R&B and Old Skool station that played constant Rick James and Earth, Wind, and Fire.
-I have just realized...I am really clumsy.

Sigh. I need more rest. I will leave you with another one of my favorite Christmas songs, God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen/We Three Kings by Barenaked Ladies and Sarah Mclachlan. This version of the classic Christmas carol is upbeat with jaunty guitar playing. (P.S. I'm not a huge Sarah Mclachlan fan...that ASPCA commercial has permanantly embittered me against her). But this song is great. It encompasses the Christmas message and keeps the mood light.

Finals Week: Fall 2010

I CAN DO THIS.

-3 page paper
-Take home final
-In class final
-Still life
-Improve upon every single piece in Oil Painting for a better grade.

Step one: Clean. Your. Room.
Step two: Prepare tea, dinner, a good spot to sit, and an appropriate (Christmas) music mix.
Step three: Get the most out of your $28,000.

edit:

This is how I really feel.

not now, please.

Do you ever feel like you are falling short of so many expectations?

Right now, I am reflecting on how many people are most likely annoyed, upset, or disappointed with me. I can think of at least three situations that I have dropped the ball on, not including my school work.

How am I going to catch up? Finals are coming up, I have many projects due, demands from my work, and yet these people that I rely on have demands of me, and won't be a support until I come through for them.

It seems that when I do stand up for myself, or make a choice that is in my interest, I get flack for it.

Sorry guys. It's not going to happen. I can't meet everyone's demands, and I can't please everyone. At least not right now.

It's just so hard to catch up though, when the people who matter won't be behind you.